2017 Political Oscars

Spectator covers the latest political Oscars sponsored and hosted by Putin & Company.

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Trump’s tweets: Best Screenplay

This year’s candidates from Best Screenplay had a large variety, ranging from Hillary “Crooked” Clinton’s classical performance of “Healthy Presidential Candidate” to more modern pieces like a repeated video loop strangely titled “Cash Me Outside.” However, one clear winner outshines them all: “Tweeting Rainbow.” The alternative documentary piece innovatively uses the social media platform Twitter to reflect the anguish and frustration of the protagonist, Donald J. Trump. Since its premiere in August of last year, Trump’s work has been generating much passionate debate, certainly worthy of a Best Screenplay.

Trump is not a first timer to the acting scene; his first film role was a supporting character as a good-willed businessman in the popular film, “Rich Kid Gets Lost in New York.” He was very humbled by the receptiveness to his acting. “I don’t know why everyone was so surprised by how well I performed. I love kids. I love babies. And I’m good at giving directions. That was essentially the role.”

Trump was quite composed during the ceremony as he accepted the national nuclear launch codes for his award. When asked what he wanted to do with his increased popularity and influence, the actor replied, “Well, I was thinking about using my influence to improve the general health care of people. That should be simple.”

Some are still shocked at his huge win. “I assure you, there was so many more audience members this year than the last Oscars,” the actor defensively clarified to us for the fifth time.

Conway/Spicer: Best Improv

An improv actor is not only judged by how convincing he or she can portray a character, but also by how quickly the actor can come up with creative ideas on the spot. In a surprising plot twist there were two winners for Best Improv Comedy: Kellyanne Conway and Sean Spicer.

Kellyanne Conway was nominated for a stunning impromptu performance on the tragic Bowling Green Massacre while on a news show. Her dramatic narration of the ordeal brought a strong reaction from the audience members. One notable critic allegedly commented, “I couldn’t believe her acting. It almost seemed unreal.”

To Sean Spicer, improv was his full-time job. “I’ve always worked closely with the media, so it comes naturally to me.” He was nominated through a series of videos that went viral, and audiences were floored by the deep moments and questions he posed. One of the most popular moments includes, “sometimes we have to disagree with the facts.” In addition, his execution of jokes is flawless. “It almost seemed like he didn’t need to think for them,” reviews raved.

Paul Ryan: Best Poker Face

In an industry that is entirely based on the portrayal of emotion, to show none is certainly a feat that needs to be commemorated in this newly created category. The appreciation for poker faces has been on the uprise ever since the creation of the Mannequin Challenge trend, where participants try to stand still and be basic as the filmer takes a panoramic shot. Paul Ryan, the lead actor of the award-winning musical, “Pretend That Everything’s Fine,” took the challenge to a new level, turning it into a film. Over the course of the week, he invited actor friends to try their best to break him.

One of the highlights of the film was when he brought in an orange-faced clown, but even the clown’s tactics couldn’t tickle Ryan’s funny bone, not even a twitch in his face. When asked what was the key to his newfound talent, Ryan replied, “I had a lot of practice. I had played a rock for most of my plays at the Congressional Acting Company.” But even the great poker face king couldn’t keep back tears as he watched his colleague Donald J. Trump accept his Oscars.