How Do I Chala-mute Him?

Timothee Chalamet wants that Oscar so, so bad. Like, really, really bad. Seriously—you do not need to be trying this hard; you’re literally Timothee Chalamet. Ever since the Christmas Day premiere of his Bob Dylan biopic, A Complete Unknown, Hollywood’s golden child has set out on an awards hunting campaign for the ages. Between becoming the first non-musician musical guest on Saturday Night Live in 30 years and the only person on ESPN’s College GameDay panel to correctly predict Ohio’s thrashing of Miami-Ohio, TikTok for-you-pages worldwide have not been able to catch a break. His defined jawline and hollowed cheekbones pop up after every other scroll. You can’t go five seconds on social media without having that little French mustache shoved down your throat. Enough is enough; it’s looking like the whole world might need a little Chalamet detox right now. Besides, are his antics even helping his case, or are they just wearing out Academy voters, ensuring that they’ll never want to see his face again—especially not on Hollywood’s biggest stage?

First, a breakdown of this year’s Best Actor race. At the table with Chalamet’s Bob Dylan sits a Hungarian-Jewish architect who came to the U.S. post-Holocaust (Adrien Brody), an unjustly incarcerated star playwright and leader of his prison’s theater group (Colman Domingo), the dean of the College of Cardinals tasked with appointing a new Pope (Ralph Fiennes), and a man that needs no introduction: President of the United States and TIME’s 2024 Person of the Year, Donald Trump (Sebastian Stan). As the only member of the group to have already won the award, Brody is leading the pack. He appears to be. an unstoppable force, boasting wins at both the Golden Globes and BAFTAs. Stan also took home a best actor prize at the Globes, though it was for his performance in Aaron Schimberg’s A Different Man, not his Trump impersonation (which puts Alec Baldwin’s to shame!) in Ali Abbasi’s The Apprentice. Even so, the majority still view this as a two-horse race: Brody versus Chalamet. Hollywood royalty versus the heir to the throne. A battle between two first-generation kids from New York; the duel of two LaGuardia grads. 

Now, you might be asking yourself: if Brody’s been cleaning up thus far, does dear Timmy even have a chance? How can this still be considered a two-horse race if Timothee has nothing to show for it? Yes, dear reader; based solely on how the season has been going, it might look like the Duke of Arrakis is out of luck, but it’s not that simple. Things have changed.

Golden Globes voting wrapped up on New Year’s Day, a mere six days after James Mangold’s Dylan biopic was released. The world had not yet fallen into the clutches of Timothee’s bony fingers; the Chalapocalypse was still in its infancy. Though Chalamet’s campaign had technically begun, the Globes were never the focus. Voting had been open for most of December, and a large portion of the voting body had likely already submitted their picks before the press run fully geared up. 

Sure, there had certainly been stirrings. The preliminary stages were for the chronically online, the brain-rotted youth—interviews with niche internet micro-celebrities that only Gen-Z would freak out about. Timothee’s first blitz came on December 16 in the form of an hour-and-a-half long conversation with stand-up comedian Theo Von on his perennially viral podcast, This Past Weekend. Overnight, sites like the New York Times, IndieWire, and The Mirror were all publishing articles that pored over segments of Timothee’s episode. His plan was working, and he had only just begun. The next day, Chalamet appeared on internet comedian Brittany Broski’s The Broski Report before capping off his series of social media ventures with a Christmas Day Nardwuar interview.

December had been all about his image. Timothee had successfully enhanced his relatability, especially in the eyes of young men. His legendary ESPN performance—combined with various factoids he’d dropped throughout his streak of interviews—cemented a sort of bro persona. He watched sports. He proved his ball knowledge. He started to engage with hype culture and streetwear fashion norms. Timothee Chalamet was no longer just a teenage girl’s heartthrob; he was someone you’d want to be friends with. Lil B doesn’t just knight any old celebrity; you have to be fly, and there’s not much that’s flyer than wearing unreleased Martine Rose and Chrome Hearts head-to-toe. 

There wasn’t much more to be done. After making history on Saturday Night Live and trending for taking a Lime bike to the London premiere of A Complete Unknown, Chalamet’s mission had been completed—the entire world then had its eyes on him. 

It’s possible Timothee went too far. His tactics, although innovative and avant-garde, ultimately fooled no one. There was zero subtlety in his campaign. Everyone knew what he was trying to do, and now all that matters is whether Oscar voters actually care. Are they going to look at this as another tasteless, excessive stunt, likened to Harvey Weinstein’s controversial 90s bully campaigns, or as the uncontrollable zeal of an overexcited young actor who’s never been in a position like this before? The truth is, nobody knows. Anybody could walk up on that stage Sunday night. 

If Chalamet were to win, not only would he beat Brody for this year’s prize, but he would also become the youngest ever Best Leading Actor winner, breaking the record that has stood for the last 22 years. This is his opportunity to make history and cement himself as the undisputed king of this next generation of actors. After taking home the SAG award last weekend, Timothee brazenly told the crowd that he “want[ed] to be one of the greats.” “I’m as inspired by Daniel Day-Lewis, Marlon Brando, and Viola Davis as I am by Michael Jordan and Michael Phelps, and I want to be up there,” he declared. As high as the standards he set are, becoming the youngest ever Best Actor winner wouldn’t put him too far off. Even freaking Daniel Day-Lewis—yes, the Daniel Day-Lewis—hadn’t yet been nominated a single time when he was Timmy’s age. Oh, and you’re probably wondering: whose record would Chalamet break if he does win?

That other first-generation kid from New York.