How To Survive the Coronavirus: Tips and Tricks From WikiHow

Scared of the coronavirus outbreak? WikiHow’s got you covered.

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By Daniel Berlinsky

With recent outbreaks of a new type of coronavirus (SARS-CoV-2, also called Boomer Doomer) reported globally, you may be worried about contracting this illness. While the coronavirus can be serious, taking preventative measures like drinking hand sanitizer and aggressively hoarding masks will definitely protect you from it. If you develop symptoms such as sneezing or a dry cough, continue to attend school. Spread your germs to as many potential carriers of disease as possible to convince Mayor Bill de Blasio to shut schools down.

Protecting Yourself Against the Coronavirus

Wash your hands with soap and water to minimize your infection risk. The best way to prevent the coronavirus is to wash your hands as often as possible. Once your hands are washed, you can cough and sneeze into them all you want! After all, they’re now completely clean and won’t be contaminated again.

The World Health Organization recommends not only rubbing your hands palm to palm but also practicing your finger origami to make sure your cranes are squeaky clean. Grab the door with your finger-no-Jutsu, and then realize you probably just recontaminated your hands. Oh well.

Wash your hands anytime you’re about to breathe or when you’re around human beings. Carry supplies with you at all times, including, but not limited to, disinfectant wipes, alcohol solution, and three boxes of latex gloves. Carry everything but—no, scratch that—carry everything with you, even the kitchen sink.

If you can't wash your hands, use a hand sanitizer that contains over 100 percent alcohol. The most effective brands will contain over 3,000 percent alcohol and may cost you obscene sums of money, but they will keep you safe.

Keep your hands away from your eyes, nose, and mouth. Studies show that touching your face at all will cause you to lose your Sasuke eyes, be kicked out of your child gang, and lose your mermaid powers, which are very real things that we wikiHow readers fear. A great way to avoid touching your face unconsciously is by cutting off your hands.

If someone is coughing or sneezing, approach them immediately to ask if they are feeling okay. Human contact is essential during this time of uncertainty. More than anything, we need each other. Hold people close if they need a shoulder to cry on.

Shake hands firmly when you congratulate people for fighting the virus. Expressing thanks at a distance may be misconstrued as a cold greeting, or worse, not heard at all through their thick bodysuits. Let your local health care provider know how much of an impact their work has on their community. First aid responders need positive reinforcement too, folks. A little display of gratitude can go a long way.

Try not to worry too much if you're not truly at risk. As long as you plan to glue your arms to the sides of your body over the duration of your commute, your risk of infection is minimal. Look for crowded trains in the morning; you won’t have to hold on to anything because you’ll be kept upright by everyone standing next to you in such close proximity.