Road to November 2024

The Opinions Department has covered Road to 2024 in hopes of keeping students updated with the political progress occurring nationally, state-wide, and locally. Since this is our last Road to 2024 before the election takes place on November 5, 2024, we hope to bring some humor into the mix. Enjoy, and if you can, get out there and vote! 

Vance x Walz 

“I actually agree with that,” said vice presidential candidate Tim Walz to J.D. Vance.

Walz demonstrated a peek of his hidden affection for Vance during October 1st’s vice presidential debate. Hesitant peeks from behind their audio-cut microphones—the tension was too much to handle for the CBS moderators—caused record-high viewers as #Valz trended on X soon after. Although that was the first (and last) vice presidential debate for this election, news broadcasters are racing to be the first to host the next debate in 2028, and they are excited at the prospects of broadcasting the next big-hit couple. 

Trump x Biden 

“When you wake up next to Jill in the middle of the night / With your head in your hands, she’s nothing more than your wife / And when you think about me, all those years ago / I hate to say, I told you Joe.” 

Romantic banter! 

DeSantis x Biden  

“I literally gave my personal phone number” to Governor Desantis. He’s “very gracious.” 

Throughout the past few weeks, the media has swarmed President Joe Biden’s personal relations, and as natural disasters have rocked the southeast, Biden is cheating on former President Donald Trump. Although “gracious” is not the adjective I would use to describe my lover, Biden’s flirtatious vocabulary goes back to the 1950s.

After Hurricane Helene ravaged the coast of Florida, and Hurricane Milton flooded the streets of Sarasota, the emergency response from the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) has been met with mixed replies. Conservative gossip girls and the Trump Campaign claim that FEMA’s response is inadequate. Vice President Kamala Harris has also attempted to reach out to elected officials like Governor Ron Desantis of Florida. This political telenovela could easily become a 90 minute special on TLC. 

However, while this tragedy has been the focus of campaign calculus, an unexpected bond has blossomed. Despite being former political rivals, Biden stated that Desantis is “doing a good job,” cementing this “enemies to lovers” plotline. Biden claimed that he gave the governor his personal contact and “all that he needs.” Perhaps it took a national emergency to thaw Biden’s icy heart. In contrast, while Desantis answered Biden’s calls, he left Harris’s on delivered. Unfortunately, her unrequited love has turned into a brooding hatred as Harris lashes out against Desantis, calling him “utterly irresponsible” and “selfish.” This disastrous love triangle seems to have no end in sight.