Mysterious Pranks Force Stiven Peter to Transfer Schools

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Senior and professional agitator Stiven Peter has since transferred to Staten Island Tech following a series of mysterious pranks.

“One day, I encountered the devil decked out with a flaming pitchfork as I was walking down the Hudson staircase hand-in-hand with [sophomore Shafali Gupta],” Peter quipped. “The devil in fact tried to convince me about the existence of non-heterosexual relationships.”

The primary suspects in these pranks are the many student Facebook commenters who backlashed against Peter after he shared his latest article “A Beautiful Thing: Sex and Sexual Ethics” (Issue 10, The Spectator). The article argues that “To be human is to be one of two. One is born either male or female, with one sex opposite to, but inseparable from, and complementing the other.” Stiven Peter’s Facebook account has since been deleted as a result of the foreign language department’s measures, but the article remains.

After Peter shared the article, hundreds of his Facebook “friends” furiously typed away replies, including “Stiven that makes no sense”, “Do you even know what you’re talking about?”, and “Whose mans is this?”.

While most of the comments (and memes) expressed confusion, a few comments actually hinted at the threats that Peter would soon encounter. One commenter wrote “Cash me battery after 10th”, and when Peter appeared at Battery Park after 10th period, there appeared a transgender couple. Subsequently, Peter fainted in a self-described “feminine manner”.

Peter encountered many more pranks in the next week. His water bottle was tampered with “satanic water” and his girlfriend announced that she was a “feminist.” Finally, enough was enough— Peter would visit his guidance counselor, who told Peter to show his emotions and let go of his masculine uptightness.