Pegleg Pete Finishes Last in Mascot Olympics

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By Alisa Chen

When the dust settled at the first ever Mascot Olympics, Stuyvesant students and alumni attending were left disappointed as Pegleg Pete failed to medal in a single event, finishing dead last among his competition.

“It’s a disgrace,” athletic director Peter Bologna bemoaned, who has been Pete’s personal trainer for several months. “I understand it’s tough with the wooden leg, but he lost to the gosh darned [Brooklyn Technical] Engineer.”

Pete finished last in the 100-meter race (8:56.71) and was unable to reach the start line in time for the 1500-meter race. However, he got out of the gutter in the pole vault since the Bronx Science Wolverine had a tough time holding onto the pole.

In the 200-meter swim, Pete suffered a huge blow to his score as his wooden leg detached halfway through, forcing lifeguards to rescue him. While his performance was embarrassing, Pete finished fifth out of eight competitors due to the inability of the bird mascots to compete.

With frustration clear among the student body, many teams are proposing a change to their respective mascots. Despite protests from team members, the Mimbas and Greyducks have been quickly eliminated from consideration due to their inability to move and their non-existence, respectively.

The girls’ swimming team has started a campaign to import penguins from Antarctica to compete for Stuyvesant, while the boys’ volleyball team has reportedly been searching forests to find an animal that qualifies as a “beast.”

“It was embarrassing to see our school represented this way,” Bologna said. “Next year, we need to at least beat Bronx Science [in boxing].”