Real Date v.s. AI Partner: Which One is Better?

Comparing and contrasting a real significant other with an AI chatbot to see which is better.

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Have you ever found yourself buying an ice cream cone on Valentine’s Day just to make yourself look occupied (even though you know you’re severely lactose intolerant), while you see couples making out on the street? Or have you felt just tired of people in general? What if I told you it’s possible to spend your Valentine’s Day with a special someone without having to talk to gross, sweaty, breathing people? In this article, we’ll be comparing and contrasting the qualities of a real date and an AI chatbot to find out which one is better for a date.

  1. Cost

Firstly, the cost of sustaining a date with an actual person is extravagantly high. Finding a fancy Italian restaurant with portions larger than the amount of money in your bank account will bring tears to the eyes of any middle class worker, let alone the cost of luxuries and future dates. On the other hand, online content generators and chatbots like ChatGPT are free! Sure, you’ll be missing out on the core human experience of physical contact, but who really needs that when you have money? The only thing that needs to touch your skin is the sweet, sweet paper of dollar bills. Overall, AI wins this round.

  1. Intelligence

Comparing the intelligence of AI and the intelligence of an average Stuyvesant student, we can see that AI has, on average, around 50 more IQ points. AI can flawlessly solve ginemenasaurus multiplication problems in mere seconds, while your date is probably still trying to understand how to save money on the filet mignon special. Why would you deign to speak to such a lowly human, when there lies the solution to all of your conversational dilemmas in a chatbot? Finally, a partner who matches your intellectual needs and milks your brain cow! AI absolutely crushes in this category, even if it’s absolutely convinced that human beings have twelve fingers on one hand.

  1. Decision Making 

People are pretty indecisive. They’re always hung up on these insignificant decisions, like what college they should go to and what they want to do for the rest of their lives. An AI chatbot, however, will make a decisive choice with absolute confidence and zero bias. You can use it to map out the trajectory of your life instead of making your own choices for once! You’ll have someone who can plan dates and treat you properly, like you’ve always deserved. Therefore, AI wins this round.

Winner: In the end, whether you decide to try your hand at rizzing up a real person or apply your Scratch Jr. skills to create an AI presence is up to you. Just know that ultimately, you read this entire article without gaining any real knowledge, and you will be spending this February 14 alone because this endeavor is entirely hopeless, seeing as you have yet to obtain rizz. Happy Valentine’s Day!